Diggnation Quotes

Once upon a time, there was a podcast called "Diggnation". Actually, there still is, but it sounds better past-tense.
Anyways, Kevin and Alex, the hosts of this fine show, sometimes say some pretty *bleeped*-up things.
Around the same time, there was a bored dude who thought it'd be awesome to collect the most *bleeped*-up things and put them, all together, on his blog. Here is the result:

KEVIN: "So it's a snowflake, magnified to 300 U-M..."
ALEX: "What?"
KEVIN: "Umm"
--On a snowflake. Magnified.

"Ah! It looks like a Tie Fighter! That's what's so weird about it!"
--Kevin, on the aforementioned snowflake.

"You've got this...stuff. And if you look at it really hard, it looks like other stuff, which is fucked up."
--Alex, on drunk guys explaining science.

"KEVIN! You went around polling women?? That's horrible!"
--Alex, on Kevin polling women on the color of his couch.

"If somebody steals my fingers, more power to you."
--Kevin, on stealing fingerprints

"They stole your fingers, sir."
--Kevin, see above.

"This isn't like 'I stole your fingers and downloaded a bootleg copy of Office'. This is, 'I stole your fingers, raped four children, killed a bus driver, and went crazy in downtown Manhattan'".
--Alex, see above

"Uhhh.....We got beers."
--Alex, after Kevin introduced himself and he was supposed to be doing the same

"It tastes like Santa Claus!"
--Kevin, on beer

"Unnh! It's fighting its way back from extinction! This beer....made the bison extinct"
--Alex, on beer

"Moon sex! Dude, chicks on the moon!"
--Alex, repeating a random dude in the audience

"New years was good. Actually, kinda lame"
--Kevin

"Like a....velvet. There's something velvety about it. That doesn't make sense, but velvety"
--Alex, on a Belgian beer

ALEX: "I have a little bruise on my cheek--"
KEVIN: "You fall?"
ALEX: "No, ah, shotgun"
KEVIN: "Ah"
--Totally seriously

KEVIN: "It's so funny to meet these hard-core Diggers, because they do totally different things then you expect.....for, like, a living."
ALEX" "Oh! I though you meant they'd come up to you and go 'Hggeegafaaka!', and you're like 'Woah, that's totally not what I expected you to do, I expected you to just come up and say 'Hi, I'm Digital Gopher.'."

"Well, then she should be Miss...Universe of the...Women....suckers"
--Alex, on Miss Nevada scandal.

ALEX: "I tell, you, it was the photos"
KEVIN: "Well, she was wearing a G-string in that one..."
ALEX "Or, um, no shirt in the other one"
See above

"The Ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss."
--Alex, trying to say "The Fog"

ALEX: "Dude, you ever been invited to one of those--"
KEVIN: "Ah, one of those houses?"
--Alex was trying to say "to one of those pyramid scams"

"Yeah, but geeks like black, it's all dark and...sad"
--Kevin, on shirts

"It's like some one's borrowing your clothes...but you can't touch them"
--Kevin, on models wearing Diggnation shirts

"You don't see, like, twelve-year-old boys and are like 'I should be able to touch that boy!'"
--Alex, see above

"The funny thing is, even though it's pseudo-erotic, I have to try it. And by "pseudo-erotic" I mean: God I wish it wasn't as erotic as it is."
--Alex, on Kevin rubbing himself with ice cubes.

KEVIN: "There was a lot of 'synergy' and 'diversidation of platforms' and 'cross-browser computing'..."
ALEX: "That's some crazy shit, that's some camping shit"
--On Foo-Camp

ALEX: "I was sort of an anxious child..."
KEVIN: "ADD?"
ALEX: "No, just...D. I was deficient"

KEVIN: "She's got one of those sexy English accents..."
ALEX: "What, like [cockney accent] ' 'ELLO GOV'NAH!!'?
KEVIN: "No!"
ALEX "...Or, like [sophisticated English accent] " 'ello Kevin'?"


ALEX: "I love Dr. Phil"
KEVIN: "Dude! Dr. Phil's gay!"
ALEX: "Well, yeah. That's why I love him"
KEVIN: "(pause) Fair enough"

"I could have a browser built off of FireFox. It'd be called 'AleFox"
--Alex, on Netscape

KEVIN: "We played this game called 'Werewolf'"
ALEX: "I don't wanna know"

KEVIN: "No, this is a terrible idea!"
ALEX: "I know, but I only have a few good ones..."
--On stalking Paris Hilton for publicity

ALEX: "Kevin drew male genitalia, because that's who he is"
KEVIN "No! I drew two little wells to--"
ALEX "No, you did not draw two wells! If you had drawn two wells you wouldn't have been like [high voice] 'Hee hee! Look! Two wells!"

"Camping equals fish!!"
--Alex, on Kevin going "camping"

"Well, you can tell she's wearing a bikini bottom. Well, either that or it's Amazon.com down there."
--Kevin, on a topless sunbather caught on Google Earth

"That's how I roll baby. What are we talking about?"
--Alex

"They don't have anything to do so they make wooden things. I mean, I understand the art of, uh, of...being a...woodmaker...and...."
--Kevin, explaining craft fairs


KEVIN: "You know, it's one of those bars where there are nuts all over the place'
ALEX: "I believe that's called a gay bar."
--On a pirate bar

"How are you straight?"
--Alex, on Kevin (In a moderately good way)

Added March 27th 2007


"Blaa! That walking table looks into my soul."
--Alex, on a walking table.

"You've pretty much got a map of the whole United States."
--Kevin. This is only funny when you realize that the displayed map is of Eastern Asia.

"'Cuz sometimes when you're flying to Newark, you wonder...'When is sex time? And then the lights get all purpley and you're like, 'Ooh! Sorry Sir, it's sex time, and we should do something.' "
--Alex, on planes

"This is a 90% guy-watching show."
--Alex

"Prager, mansteak that shit."
--Kevin, on steaks.

"She's tackling you with her cock. That's not football, that's....Fun-ball."
--Alex, on dogs

"Penis is clinical."
--Kevin, agreeing with Alex.

"I might take it in the ass to be spunk-free for 20 months."
--Alex, on...male contraceptives

"Vaskhod Vaskhod Vaskhod Vaskhod Vaskhod Vaskhod Vaskhod Vaskhod."
--Both of 'em.

"It looks like the Enchanted forest with missing trees."
--Kevin, on his stubble

"Like, you throw a bucket of matches and they're like 'Uh, 72', and you're like 'I didn't--could you just pick 'em up?' "
--Alex, on Autistic people

KEVIN: "But who says it's going to mutate?"
ALEX: "I dunno...Jesus."
--On Avian Flu

" 'Stay away from the airports, it's killing people'...but it was really just killing old people."
--Kevin, on SARS

ALEX: "What's that?"
KEVIN: "Don't worry,it's just vegetables"
ALEX: [laughs]
KEVIN: "Don't worry! You've never been to a vegetable site? You've never been to a fucking vegetable site?"
ALEX: "No!"
KEVIN: "Fuck you!"

"Mila's got those pouty lips, like bees stung the shit out of her for an hour."
--Kevin, on Mila Jobovich

"Puzzle lingere?"
--Alex, on Kevin's fantasies.

ALEX: "You only went to the museum because you were high and wanted a hot dog."
KEVIN: "They have great hot dogs."
--On Amsterdam

KEVIN: "He has two lovely ladies..."
ALEX: "Hellooo, lovely ladies"
KEVIN: "I will take the one on the right..."
ALEX: "I will take...that one as well..."

KEVIN: "Next storeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey. That was weird."
ALEX: "I thought you were calling your Inuit friends."

"There's penis' raining?"
--Kevin, on Second Life

KEVIN: "We've never done that, it's a lot of..."
JOEY: "It's a lot of work, fucker!"
ALEX: "A lot of work, it's a lot of penis!"

ALEX: "Yeah, well, onlykingsaredead."
KEVIN: "Only kings are dead?"
ALEX: "Yes Kevin, that's exactly what I said. It's a slang phrase 'Ah, well, only kings are dead.'"
--I think he was trying to say 'Only kids are doing it'.

"Why are they...it's only a game. There should be voting rights in Quetzlcoatl or something."
--Alex, on Second Life (Quetzlcoatl 's a god)

"Please tell me...what a traffic camera's purpose in life is."
--Kevin

"You can't tell my kid not to say a word, because saying a word is why we live in America."
--Alex

ALEX: "White pizza is like...it's...ah...fuck. What is white pizza?"
...
KEVIN: "White pizza is like, uh....fuck, I can't even..."
--Extolling the virtues of white pizza

"We don't...talk about white pizza."
--Kevin, on Alex looking up recipes.

"Mushrooms? Fuck mushrooms, these people are idiots."
--Alex, on white pizza.

KEVIN: "Have you ever been woken up by your girlfriend--that's amazing!"
ALEX: "Speaking of which I have something to show you after the show."

"It's like...one, two, pick up my shoe!"
--Alex, on...HD DVD porn.

I hope you check out the show and enjoy